Dave Chappelle Does 5th Year Show at Improv

Posted by Connor Pritchard on 12/10/08 at 11:59 am

Being successful in Los Angeles is about working hard to put yourself in the position to get lucky. That’s what happened on Dec. 6th when Dave Chappelle randomly showed up and did a three hour set for our comedy show.

Why does everyone love Dave Chappelle? He embodies the true qualities of a comedian. In the last few years, stand-up comedy has been hijacked by social climbers using it to get to the next level of entertainment. Mitch Hedberg has a great quote,

“As a comedian, I always get into situations where I'm auditioning for movies and sitcoms, you know? As a comedian, they want you to do other things besides comedy. They say "alright you're a comedian, can you write? Write us a script. Act in this sitcom." They want me to do shit that's related to comedy, but it's not comedy, man. It's not fair, you know? It's as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a really good cook, and they said "alright you're a cook... can you farm?"

That is why watching him turn down the Comedy Central deal was so great. Dave Chappelle can pretend to be television star or a movie star but what he’s really good at and what he really loves to do is stand-up comedy. If you have never seen him live, let me explain.

A microphone and a crowd has been the most consistent thing in his life. Dave grew up with divorced parents and split his time between Washington D.C. and Ohio. In Ohio, he was the goofy black kid among all white students. In Washington D.C., he was goofy black kid who acted white and refused to sell crack. When kids don’t fit in they either flight, fight or get funny. At fourteen, Dave was doing weekly performances in front of D.C. crowds. To him, a crowd is a more comfortable interaction than a one on one conversation. This explains his unparalleled stage confidence. Even Chris Rock paces (says he picked it up watching his father give sermons) to calm himself down.

From the minute Dave got on stage at 1 a.m., he had a presence that’s hard to explain. It’s something much more than being naturally funny. He makes every single person in the audience feel like his best friend. Dave did about 11 minutes of prepared material but then it became like an intimate Q & A session. He gets real; about his wife, his celebrity status and his career all while being hilarious.

He said turning down the comedy central deal was like flipping over the monopoly board while everyone else was having a good time playing. When Dave was deciding to turn down the offer he confided in Chris Rock who told him, “Dave you’re a mule. Nobodies gonna pet you. Nobodies gonna talk to you. Their just going to ride you until you fucking die!” Dave hopped on a plane to Africa and said it was the best move he’s ever made.

Dave continued to smoke 12 cigarettes from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. but then ran out and started to take hand outs from the audience. At 3 a.m., I turned around to look at the packed audience. No one had left. The bar had closed an hour ago, people were sobered up but no one wanted to leave. This is the same cynical L.A. crowd that doesn’t have the attention span to finish a 22 minute episode of The Office. Dave Chappelle held the crowd’s attention for another hour before stepping off stage to a standing ovation a little after 4 a.m.
He could have kept going to sunrise. Stand-up comedy to Dave is a cathartic experience. He’s up there sharing intimate details about his life and making the crowd laugh just comes naturally with his Bugs-Bunny-esque delivery.

Dave Chappelle didn’t plan on doing our show but explained to the crowd why he did it. He was passing through L.A. on his way back from the Philippines. The manager of the Improv told him there are some young guys who have been putting together late-night comedy shows to promote their 5th Year brand. Dave knew he could either go back to his hotel and get a good night’s sleep or give these guys and their crowd an unforgettable performance; which is exactly what he did. That is the sign of a true comedian.

Dave Chappelle is not only the funniest man alive but he's also a really good dude.

5thyear.com

I would have knocked Swayze out

Posted by Burt Destruction on 11/21/08 at 11:44 am

I was watching Roadhouse the other night and one scene in particular really made me think about Swayze and his cooling techniques that he employs throughout the film. Swayze’s character Daulton definitely has a nuanced manner of dealing with people that are disruptive at the bar. He employs the Mantra “BE NICE” in dealing with customers that are having a little too much fun. Basically, he wants his bouncers to try and diffuse the issue without violence so that the attitude in the bar makes one feel safe. With that being said I think that he is not particularly fair to one of the patrons in the beginning of the film.

The particular scene that I am speaking about is Swayze’s first night on the job. He has laid out the ground rules to the employees of what he expects and often repeats his “BE NICE” theory of handling things. The night starts off pretty standard but as the drinking increases so does the rowdiness. One chesty patron decides that the band isn’t enough to entertain the crowd and takes it upon herself to add a little spice to the evening. She gets up on a table and starts dancing to the delight of many and they disapproval of one, Swayze. So PS looks at one of the bouncers and tells him to get her down. Well that’s not happening because one particularly drunk dude with an awesome Hawaiian shirt on does not want this party to stop (why should he?). He throws the one bouncer out of the way and goes back to enjoying the show. Well Swayze has seen enough and goes over to diffuse the situation. By “diffuse the situation” I mean he goes over and gets the guy to pull a knife on him before throwing this dude’s head through a table. This is then followed by a tremendously intense hair whip. In the movie this seems like a pretty reasonable action to be taken by Swayze but I actually have a big problem with what this whole situation. Hear me out for a second.

This bar, the Double Deuce, has been a shithole for years. It is a bar where the band has to play behind chicken wire and the waitresses are selling drugs to the patrons. Swayze expects that his first night on the job people are just going to learn a whole new way to get drunk at their favorite bar. If I am going to a bar with sawdust on the floor I am expecting for all types of crazy shit to happen. Also, I am at least bringing some type of rudimentary weapon in case somebody thinks that I may be a little harsh with my criticism of the band or I have been looking at their woman too long. So imagine that you are in cool Hawaiian shirt guy’s shoes. You are in a bar ogling some dancing floozy and then this guy who is about 5’2” with a gigantic feathered mane of hair comes up and tells you to knock it off. What the fuck? Of course I am going to pull out a weapon and tell this guy to piss off. The one notable exception is that I would have not gotten my head thrown through a table. I would have taken it to the floor and painted his face with my fists of justice. All I need is a line better than the guy at the end who explains that he used to fuck guys like Swayze in prison.

Mashups and Remixes from Divideandkreate.com

Posted by Connor Pritchard on 11/18/08 at 6:39 pm

It's a three-way tie for best mash-up DJ's: Lobsterdust, DJ Fox and Divide and Kreate. Check out his website for more songs.

Rihanna - Umbrella Remix

Nelly Furtado - Say It Right Remix

Courtney Love - Hole Remix

Peaches vs. ACDC: TNT the Pain Away

Timberlake vs. ACDC: Sexy Hell

Teddybears vs. Madonna: Punked Up

The Knife vs. Kanye West: Silent Love

The Clash vs. Justice: Phantom Part III

Bon Jovi vs. The Hives: Offending Love

Elton John vs. Alex Gopher: Not Your Song

Brittney Spears: Little Bitch (Remix)

Michael Jackson vs. The Hives: I Told You to Beat It

Lady GaGa vs. The Eurythmics: Dance Dreams

Brittney Spears - Break the Ice (Remix)

Cassie vs. Teddybears: CassieBear

Torri, is that you?

Posted by Burt Destruction on 11/18/08 at 1:58 pm

Occasionally I like to take the posts that I write for the blog and post them on craigslist’s Rants and Raves section. If you are not familiar this is a forum where people can spew illiterate racism, post pictures of their penises and sometimes write something that actually has some value. Among the greatest I have read was from a gentleman looking for henchmen and another who wrote about the shortcomings of shaving his ass crack . In general it is a pretty wide open forum. So you can imagine my shock when after writing articles and posting them people write some pretty interesting stuff to me. Here is one of my favorites;

In regards to the A Small Dream post;
I couldn't think of anything more appropriate than having a shit factory named after you. With all the shitty stories you've been writing, you are more than qualified. You've got my vote.

Obviously, this person is not a very big fan. This is pretty typical of the constructive criticism that I get from the people of craigslist. However, I wanted to take the time to focus on one of the more recent comments that I received. Last week I posted my findings on Torri Spelling syndrome and apparently I hit a nerve. Here is what the person who read my findings had to say;


1. it's Tori, not Torri.

2. you seem jealous of those of us that have connections because of our parents. your parents are failures, and the sooner you acknowledge this, the better off you will be.

3. 90210 was on-air for 10 seasons; clearly they (including Tori Spelling) knew how to act, otherwise losers such as yourself would not have tuned in weekly, let alone for 10 years.

4. you have too much time on your hands. get a hobby, loser.

When I read this I immediately came to one and only one conclusion. This comment is from Torri herself. No way is there anyone on this entire earth that cares enough about Torri Spelling to write those things, no one. I can imagine her sitting down and thinking that she just nailed me with her numbered responses. “Oh man I got him,” she would think to herself as the gap between her breasts grows noticeably larger and her eyes protrude further from her skull. Then she would grow the wings of Satan and disappear into the depths of hell to rule the demons for all eternity. Yep, I am pretty sure that’s exactly what happened.

Damn these opposable thumbs

Posted by Burt Destruction on 11/17/08 at 9:58 am

Why did I have to be born with opposable thumbs? What did I do to deserve this kind of horrible fate? Frankly, I do not know. I find myself wondering how much easier my life would be if I didn’t have these damn things. People would look upon me with sad eyes and offer to help me eat cereal or pen a letter in calligraphy. You may question why I would like to limit myself physically like this and the answer is that I am extremely lazy. I would gladly give up the use of my thumbs to have more things done for me by others. When people would ask if I could help them move I would just shake my head and look down at my hands saying something like, “(sigggghhhh)…..I wish I could help you, if I only had opposable thumbs.” Then I would look away like I was going to cry or have a nervous breakdown. That way people would think that I really wanted to help them but due to my physical limitations I could not. In reality I could totally grab some stuff if I really wanted to, but they don’t know that. Yes, I have looked into surgery and that is not an option. I am still waiting for someone to come up with a formula to render my thumbs useless, but for now I can only dream.